I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
