I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
