can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
