this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
