Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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