Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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