my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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