Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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