It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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