He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
