then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
