Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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