I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You need Xanax blowdarts
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
