dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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