This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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