Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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