whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
