What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
