where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
