were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
