Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
