Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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