he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
