Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
