its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
