paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
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Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
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The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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