Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
