We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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