and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
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