Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
