Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
