and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
