I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Randomize
