I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
