Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize