just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
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When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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