Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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