the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
