lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
