Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
