Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
