dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
