I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
