capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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