Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
