I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
