Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
