I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
