She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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