well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Im part way to drunk.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
