found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
not ubering you a puppy
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
