All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
