I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
