he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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