In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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