Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
