It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
