I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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