can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
