So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
This baby is an asshole
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
