to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
