i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
