I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
