dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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