Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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