the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
this is an emotional support booty call
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
