3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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