i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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