i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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