STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
