hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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