too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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