I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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