The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
