I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
