Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize