my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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