her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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