I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize