We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
50% drunk capacity currently
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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