Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
