Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
