how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
