Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
