Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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