why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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