It's Friday. Sex?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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