ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
