Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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