There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
