The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
This is my gift to your gina
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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