I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
as a side note pls kill me
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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