You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
